Broadened Focus
by Egeria
Summary: Obi-Wan reflects on his master and his apprentice after Naboo. Obi-Wan's POV.


focus

  
_Stillness..._  
  
Still the body.   
Quiet the thoughts.   
Release the spirit.  
  
_Silence...  
_  
Slow the breath.   
Calm the mind.   
Unburden the heart.  
_  
One...  
_  
One will.  
One love.  
One Force.  
  
Unexpectedly alone, I sit in quiet meditation on the balcony of my temporary quarters in the capital city of Theed. My legs cross in front of me in the traditional pose taught to me in my youth. My robe pools on the floor surrounding my body, helping to create sacred space in the middle of scarcely controlled chaos. A vital component of my Jedi training, I have practiced this every day of my life, when time and circumstance afforded me.   
  
Remembrance, reflection and release.  
  
I release the breath I find myself to be holding, and try to clear away the unneeded thoughts and images of my recent past. They threaten to overwhelm me. Unbidden tears suddenly spring to my eyes, and they flutter open, allowing the escape of salty liquid down my cheek. I concentrate only on the feeling of my wet skin, to guess the direction the tear will take as it runs down my face. I watch as the first drop falls to floor, proof of my failure to act as a Jedi Knight should.  
  
Sighing, I reach out to blanket myself within the Force, taking comfort in the feeling of soft warmth as real as the clothing I wear. For the moment I am content just to gaze out at the city through the elegant orifices in the stone wall. It's truly breathtaking, and I see it now, as if for the first time. Timeworn architecture blending with natural formations. A harmony of water, earth and style. The city breathes, rising towards the setting sun. It's twilight and the stars are just starting to poke through the dimming sky.  
  
My time here is nearly at an end. The last few days I have spent assisting the government's efforts in restoring order to society. The officials are slowly returning authority to broader jurisdictions, and they are certain things will be back to normal within days. Although, they will have to redefine their perception of normal' to reflect their recognition of the symbiotic relationship they share with the Gungans.  
  
Blankly I stare out at the horizon, trying to ignore my self pity, but I have never felt so isolated, so... utterly alone. Even during the celebration when surrounded by crowds of people, many of them wanting to thank me for my efforts on their behalf, or to offer condolences for my loss, I felt alone. The feeling of detachment is so unsettling and now I prepare to embrace the experience. To greet each thought, revel in unsavory memory, and accept the lessons learned.   
  
All in mere days, I had lost my Master, become a Knight, challenged the will of the Council, and gained an apprentice. Death itself was my midwife, birthing my new life through ultimate pain.  
  
_Don't center on your anxiety, Obi-Wan.  
  
_I can hear his voice as clearly as if he were standing right next to me. Only here, Master... only in reflection where it belongs. I have already grieved for you and let that anguish float away with your ashes.  
_  
Promise me you'll train the boy.  
  
_Yes, Master. I promise.   
  
Afraid of his death, I would have promised him anything at that moment. Shame rises into my heart from somewhere deeply hidden since Qui-Gon had met his cruel fate at the hands of the unknown Sith Lord. Shame at realizing that although I will keep that promise, that the words at the time were uttered in fear. No longer.  
  
_Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic life form?  
  
_I wince, adding the lesson learned here to the others I've recognized.   
  
I inhale slowly, gathering all of my thoughts and I quickly sift through them, seeking to keep that which will be useful, and to release all the unnecessary ones before they spiral into self-defeating doubt. Even as the Force accepts my failures, it presents one more inquiry which crashes down upon me._  
  
Qui-Gon's defiance I sense in you. Need that, you do not.   
_  
It was difficult to argue with Yoda. Yet, even as the ancient Jedi Master articulated his opinion, part of me was flattered by his observation. Another part protests, remembering my embarrassment whenever my Master sought to ignore the will of the Council. Memory after memory assaults me... The first time I disagreed with my Master... Defending Qui-Gon's decisions to other padawans.... The first time I realized I was allowed to disagree. And learning how and when to disagree, while not compromising my duty and honor to my Master. Or myself.  
  
But, I myself had challenged the Council only yesterday, telling Master Yoda I would train Anakin against their will if necessary. I had never been so bold before with one of their members and certainly I had never been with Master Yoda. Perhaps, it was hearing that I had just been made a Knight, that this last mission had served as my trials that allowed me to be so presumptuous with him.  
  
Or maybe it was simply my apprenticeship with Qui-Gon which has made me so.  
  
As I contemplate, a small stir appears in the Force, and I begin to surface from my private thoughts knowing time is short. As I hear far away footsteps, my attention is drawn towards a new, but profound wave of the Force manifesting itself in a single being. I soon hear scuffing feet on the marble floor behind me, but I make no move to greet the new arrival.  
  
Minutes pass as he stands to the left of me, and I can feel his frustration.   
  
Master Obi-Wan?  
  
A small voice finally intrudes, impertinently suspending my lesson. Though the child had uttered no more than a whisper, his mere presence screams for my attention, becoming my focus. My reality.  
  
Master to my own apprentice.  
  
I acknowledge, after a moment. Patience will be the first of many things he will need to learn. As I tentatively reach out to touch his mind through the Force, I find sadness, and disappointment. You're troubled.  
  
Yes, sir. He admits, his face looking long under his new haircut.  
  
He does not look at me when he finally speaks, choosing instead to study the polished floor. It's almost time to go, and I... he stammers.  
  
What is it? I snap. We're to have no secrets between us.   
  
I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Padme. He murmurs, his shoulders drooping dejectedly. Master Windu told me it's not my place to disturb her.  
  
I sigh at his words. Instantly I regret my impatience and the tone of my voice. Qui-Gon was right, I still have much to learn about the living force. Even after two decades of training, patience and sensitivity continue to elude me. All the boy wanted to do was to say good-bye to the young Queen to whom he had bonded with during the last few days. The most intense days of his young life, and of mine.  
  
The boy had bonded almost instantly to Qui-Gon as well, even more so, I had felt it when we had first been introduced on the Queen's transport. It was visible during the battle, and most evident when I had gone to him afterward to tell him of my Master's death. His tears echoing my own.  
  
Now here we are together and it is time to start creating our own bond. We will be together a long time and as I am the master, it is up to me. An idea begins to form. I say, gesturing to the floor.  
  
Anakin adopts a posture similar to mine, straight across from me. Nearly a perfect mirror image.  
  
Now, center yourself, as I taught you this morning. I watch as my student closes his eyes and draws a deep, cleansing breath. Now, quiet your thoughts.  
  
I wait, allowing Anakin to remember the instruction from earlier in the day. Observing the boy's chest rising and falling slowly is almost hypnotic in and of itself, and I close my own eyes to focus on the Force surrounding us both. When I am certain of the depth of his inward thoughts, I continue. Now... see the Queen in your mind. The way she looks. Her unique scent. The sound of her voice... I intone gently, consciously trying to mimic Master Qui-Gon.  
  
I feel a small but distinct ripple building in the Force, as if a smooth stone skimmed along a calm lake. I open my eyes, needing to see his reaction as well as feel it.  
  
I see her! Anakin announces excitedly, beaming from ear to ear.  
  
Good, Anakin. I smile, finding the boy's grin infectious. Now lose the thought and feel her presence. Feel, don't think. Now, where is she?  
  
She is in a garden, full of green plants and flowers. His brow furrows in concentration. With small stones and a pond.  
  
Is anyone else with her?  
  
Two handmaidens and a guard at a distance, he continues. Shall I describe anything else?  
  
That isn't necessary. I am surprised for a moment by his almost instant ability to do what I've asked of him. This exercise usually takes many months to perfect. Qui-Gon was right about him. Open your eyes, Anakin.  
  
He smiles at me, looking so very young. I still see some of the sadness in his face, and wonder what my Master would have done in my place right now. I straighten up just a bit as I realize. He would do what he needed to do. What needed to be done. He had always followed his heart, trusting that it was the right choice made at the right time, even if the effects were not always immediately visible. I cannot think of a single instance where he was infinitely wrong, only where more time and a broader focus were required.  
  
Perhaps, I need a touch of Qui-Gon's defiance in order to train Anakin. And I know just where to start. Shall we find Her Highness and make our farewells?  
  
But Master Windu--  
  
Is not your master. I affirm, interrupting. Lead the way, Anakin. The Force will guide us there. Just feel her presence and trust in the Force.  
  
For although I would never say the words aloud, Anakin was after all, a hero. He deserved that much.   
  
Yes, sir. He readily agreed, already halfway to the door.  
  
And Anakin, I call after him, watching as he impatiently waits for me before leaving the room. Protocol dictates that Queen Amidala is addressed as either Her Majesty or Her Highness.   
  
He grimaces, not liking having made the mistake earlier. Yes, Master.  
  
That he did not even know a simple matter of social convention is not surprising. As well, in his eyes he spent time with the handmaiden, not the ruler of Naboo. I have a strong feeling we will be back here someday, but for now we will say good bye to this world. Come, Padawan. We have a long journey ahead of us.  
  
As I follow him down towards the garden, I reflect on the path that has been placed before me.  
  
I will do what I must.  
  
Do what I think I cannot do.  
  
And keep a promise without remorse, reward or regret.   
  
  



End file.
